Before having children, many of us imagine raising them with the help of grandparents. The phrase “it takes a village” often includes them as key supporters. But reality doesn’t always match this vision.
Grandparents may be absent for various reasons, such as distance, estrangement, or loss. This can create challenges and stress for parents. Yet, some families find unexpected benefits in raising children without grandparents.
Below, therapists share insights on the emotional and practical impacts of this situation, along with tips to help families cope and thrive.
Emotional and Psychological Impacts
Parenting is a nonstop job, and doing it alone can feel overwhelming. Even with a supportive partner, juggling work, multiple children, illnesses, and sleepless nights can take its toll.
“Families thrive with a network of support, often called a ‘village,’” says Lauren Farina, LCSW, psychotherapist and CEO of Invited Psychotherapy and Coaching. “Support eases the mental, physical, and financial burden on parents and helps children feel secure in a nurturing world.”
Grandparents often serve as key caregivers, easing the load on parents. Without them, stress and burnout are more likely, says Farina. This can also affect children. “Parental stress disrupts secure attachment, which is vital for a child’s development and mental health,” she explains.
Kristie Tse, LMHC, psychotherapist and founder of Uncover Mental Health Counseling, highlights another layer of loss. “Kids miss out on learning family history or receiving the unconditional support grandparents provide,” she says. Parents also face the full caregiving load without the wisdom or help grandparents bring.
The emotional impact depends on the reason for their absence. Estrangement from a toxic grandparent might bring relief, while loss due to death or distance may feel heavier.
Challenges
Parenting without grandparents comes with unique hurdles. Tse outlines some common childcare challenges:
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Financial pressure from relying on paid childcare or after-school programs
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Misalignment with societal expectations, which assume grandparents are part of the family support system
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Increased responsibility, making every parenting decision feel heavier
Farina notes that the unpredictability of childcare adds stress. “Parents without a network often scramble to find care during emergencies, like a child being home sick,” she says. “This leads to lost income and productivity, creating significant hardship.”
Potential Benefits of Parenting Without Grandparents
Raising kids without grandparents isn’t all negative. The benefits depend on why grandparents are absent.
“When grandparents are unavailable due to death or relocation, the absence may feel harder,” says Farina. “But setting boundaries with a toxic relationship can bring relief and a healthier family dynamic.”
Other potential advantages include:
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Freedom from family drama or obligations
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The chance to create new family traditions
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More control over influences in your child’s life
Tse shares her personal experience raising kids without nearby grandparents. While challenging, it pushed her to build a community support system. “It has fostered independence and resilience in my children,” she says. “They’ve formed strong bonds with diverse caregivers and family friends, enriching their emotional growth.”
This setup also brings fresh perspectives and creative parenting solutions, she adds.
No grandparents nearby? Learn how to overcome challenges, foster resilience, and build a strong support system for your family.
Strategies for Coping
Parenting without grandparents can be difficult, but there are ways to adapt and thrive. Farina offers these tips:
Build Your Own Village
Create a network of trusted people, like paid caregivers, neighbors, or friends, to fill the gap. “Even regular visits to a family doctor or local hairstylist can help children feel connected to a community,” says Farina.
Set Boundaries and Prioritize
Lacking support makes parenting more stressful, so manage your time carefully. “Families should be intentional about commitments and avoid taking on more than they can handle,” Farina advises.
Tips for Creating a Positive Environment for Children
You can still nurture a supportive and loving environment without grandparents. Farina shares how:
If Grandparents Are Distant
When grandparents live far away but are still part of your life, find creative ways to involve them. This could mean video calls, annual visits, or exchanging letters as pen pals.
If Grandparents Are Unavailable
If grandparents aren’t an option, lean on extended family like aunts, uncles, or cousins. “Building a culture of unconditional love and community can make a significant difference,” Farina suggests.
Parenting without grandparents has its challenges, but it also offers opportunities to build resilience and creativity. By fostering a strong network and meaningful traditions, families can thrive even without the traditional village.
