Unsure what not to say during a custody battle? Saying the wrong thing can hurt your chances. This guide will help you avoid key phrases—specifically, what not to say during custody battle—so you protect your case.
Key Takeaways
- Criticizing the other parent can harm your custody case and is discouraged by the court.
- Staying calm and honest during custody proceedings is essential for a better outcome.
- Sharing details about the custody battle in public or making decisions on your own can put your case at risk.
The Reality of Custody Battles By The Numbers
According to research by CustodyXChange, in Texas, fathers receive around 33% of parenting time, which is about 120.5 days a year with their children, while mothers get roughly 245 days annually. Because parenting time is already limited for many parents, making the wrong statement during custody proceedings can be especially damaging.
Research from the Harr Law Firm shows that children who go through long custody battles may have higher stress, anxiety, and behavior problems. Constant conflict between parents can also disrupt a child’s sense of security, potentially causing long-term emotional issues. Understanding what not to say during a custody battle is important not just for winning your case but also for protecting your child’s well-being and mental health. Ensuring a child’s well-being is a primary consideration for courts when making custody decisions, and negative parental actions or conflicts can have detrimental effects on a child’s mental health.
| Parent | Parenting Time (%) | Days per Year |
|---|---|---|
| Fathers | 33% | 120.5 |
| Mothers | 67% | 245 |
Custody Numbers Matter
In Texas, even a small misstep can mean a dramatic drop in parenting time—every word counts in a custody battle.
1. “Let me tell you what’s wrong with your [other parent]…”
(Criticizing the other parent can be seen as a form of emotional child abuse, which can negatively impact custody cases.)
Avoid Criticizing the Other Parent
One of the biggest mistakes you can make during a child custody battle is criticizing the other parent. Courts expect parents to show they can co-parent, and constant negativity can reflect poorly on you in the eyes of the court.
Why it hurts your case: Judges see negative remarks as harmful to your child’s well-being and view them as an attempt to damage the other parent’s relationship with the child.
How to avoid it: Keep your focus on the child’s needs. Don’t use negative language when describing your ex, and show that you respect the legal process.
Staying respectful also improves your image during custody evaluations. Judges are less likely to support a parent who appears disrespectful.
2. “[Profanity] this court process!”
(Losing composure can harm your image in court by showing a lack of self-control.)
Keep Calm and Collected
It’s crucial to remain calm during child custody battles. Anger or frustration in court can hurt your position and weaken your credibility.
- Watch your language: Yelling or swearing can make you look aggressive.
- Stay prepared: Present a strong parenting plan and focus on solid evidence, not emotions.
- Avoid confrontation: Don’t argue with the other parent in or out of the courtroom.
Showing self-control helps you look like a responsible parent who cares about the child’s well-being.
3. “I don’t have a drinking/drug problem.”
(Lying under oath can lead to severe legal consequences, including losing custody rights.)
Don’t Lie Under Oath
Honesty is essential in a child custody dispute. Making false statements can bring serious penalties. If you have issues like substance abuse, admit them rather than deny them under oath.
- Court priorities: The court cares more about how substance abuse affects your parenting than the fact of abuse itself.
- Credibility matters: If you lie, the judge may doubt everything else you say. You could also have to pay the other parent’s legal fees.
Being honest and transparent during a child custody dispute safeguards your integrity and keeps you in good standing with the court.
4. “You shouldn’t want to see your [other parent].”
(Alienation of affection can severely damage your child’s emotional health and your custody case.)
No Alienation of Affection
Parental alienation can seriously harm a child’s well-being. It also tells the court you may be unwilling to co-parent.
- Why it’s harmful: Alienation can make a child develop negative feelings toward the other parent.
- Court view: Judges do not look favorably on a parent who attempts to withhold access or weaken the bond between a child and the other parent.
- Positive approach: Support your child’s ongoing relationship with both parents. This cooperative attitude proves to the court that you put your child’s best interests first.
5. “Going to court today. Pray the judge sees through my ex’s lies!”
(Discussing court publicly or on social media can backfire and become evidence against you.)
Avoid Discussing Court Decisions Publicly
Talking about your custody battle in public or on social media can hurt your case.
- Potential evidence: Anything you post might be used against you in court.
- Court perception: Judges may see public complaints as disrespectful to the court.
- Stay private: Resist venting online. Keep custody-related details off social media to protect your case.
6. “Let me tell you why mommy/daddy is making us go to court…”
(Involving children in adult issues can cause them emotional distress.)
Don’t Involve Your Child in Adult Issues
Children shouldn’t be part of adult custody conversations. This can place a heavy emotional burden on them.
- Avoid explaining court proceedings: Telling children why you’re in court can confuse or upset them.
- Stability and routine: Stick to normal routines and spend quality time together instead of dragging them into disputes.
- Child’s perspective: Children need to feel safe and loved by both parents.
7. “If you don’t let me see the kids, I’ll…”
(Making threats toward the other parent suggests potential abuse and can undermine your case.)
Refrain from Making Threats
Threatening the other parent is a major warning sign for judges during a child custody dispute. It may suggest abusive behavior.
- Anger management concerns: Swearing or using hostile language raises doubts about your ability to remain calm.
- Domestic violence link: Threatening behavior can lead to or worsen domestic violence claims.
- Stay respectful: Avoid derogatory language or threatening messages—judges weigh this heavily when deciding custody.
8. “You’re a terrible parent and everyone knows it.”
(Using profanity and insults toward your ex-spouse or ex-partner can severely harm your case.)
Avoid Profanity and Insults
Hostile messages or comments can damage your custody claim. Judges want to see that you can stay civil and cooperative.
- Written or verbal: Offensive emails, texts, or voicemails can be used against you in court.
- Focus on solutions: Aim for calm, constructive communication to show you can co-parent respectfully.
9. “I’ve decided to switch our child’s school without consulting you.”
(Making unilateral decisions can show a disregard for co-parenting and harm your credibility.)
Do Not Make Unilateral Decisions
Always talk with the other parent before making big decisions for your child.
- Loss of trust: Acting alone can make you look uncooperative.
- Court’s preference: Judges favor parents who communicate and cooperate.
- Examples of major decisions: Changing schools, extracurricular activities, or significant financial moves require both parents’ input.
10. “I know better than my lawyer about how to handle this.”
(Ignoring legal advice can lead to major missteps that hurt your custody case.)
Don’t Ignore Legal Advice
Your attorney is there to guide you through the complexities of a child custody case.
- Active participation: Stay involved in the proceedings. If you ignore them, the other parent might get a default judgment.
- Obey court orders: Not following court orders can bring contempt charges or a loss of custody rights.
- Better outcome: Respect for the legal process improves your standing in custody evaluations.
When Criticism Backfires: A Frequent Scenario
We often see this happen in Texas custody cases. For example, Julia repeatedly called her ex-husband irresponsible and lazy, even in front of court staff. During the hearing, her remarks were brought up, hurting her credibility. The judge saw Julia’s constant criticism as proof she might not support a healthy relationship between the father and child.
As a result, Julia received less parenting time until she showed a more cooperative attitude. She thought harsh words would help her, but it made her seem uncooperative and overshadowed her child’s best interests. Judges look for respectful co-parenting rather than insults. By speaking negatively, parents risk losing the custody arrangement they want. We see this pattern repeat itself when parents let anger block good judgment.
Case Study: Negative Speech Consequences
In In re Marriage of Stein, 153 S.W.3d 485 (Tex. App.—Amarillo 2004, no pet.), the mother argued she was more suitable for primary custody. However, the appellate court noted her frequent negative comments about the father in the child’s presence. This hurt her case because Texas courts believe a parent who can’t encourage a healthy relationship with the other parent may not be a good co-parent.
This case shows how continuous negative speech can damage your credibility and signal you won’t foster the child’s best interests. By emphasizing the harm of hostile language, Stein warns parents in heated custody disputes to avoid constant negativity.
[Source: https://casetext.com/case/in-re-marriage-of-stein-1]
Words Have Consequences
Continuous negative remarks can undermine your credibility—choosing respectful language is key to protecting your custody rights.
FAQs: Child Custody in Texas
Basic Custody Definitions
▶ ▼ What is the legal term for child custody in Texas?
In Texas, the legal term for child custody is conservatorship. Conservatorship defines the rights and responsibilities of parents concerning their child, including decision-making, visitation, and care. It can be joint or sole depending on the court’s determination of the child’s best interests.
▶ ▼ What is child custody mediation?
Child custody mediation is a private process where parents work with a neutral mediator to settle custody disputes outside of court.
- Mediators guide discussions but do not decide outcomes.
- Agreements reached can be incorporated into the final custody order.
- This approach often saves time, reduces conflict, and prioritizes the child’s well-being.
Court Behavior and Common Mistakes
▶ ▼ What should you never say in a Texas custody hearing?
Custody hearings require professionalism and focus on the child’s best interests. Avoid insults, threats, or slander.
- Do not say statements like “I’ll make sure our child hates you.”
- Even offhand comments can negatively affect your credibility.
- Stay calm, factual, and polite throughout the hearing.
▶ ▼ What are the biggest mistakes that can hurt your custody case in court?
Common mistakes include lying under oath, insulting the other parent, ignoring court orders, or making unilateral decisions.
- Providing false financial or childcare information can lead to legal trouble.
- Disregarding interim orders may result in contempt or reduced custody.
- Maintaining credibility and following court guidance strengthens your case.
▶ ▼ Does yelling or using profanity in front of the judge automatically harm my custody chances?
Yes. Angry outbursts, profanity, or aggressive behavior indicate poor emotional control, which can damage your case.
- Remain calm to show maturity and stability.
- Request breaks or consult your attorney before responding if emotions run high.
▶ ▼ Can social media posts be used as evidence in a Texas custody battle?
Absolutely. Courts may consider posts from any platform, even in private groups.
- Avoid posting negative content about your ex or the case.
- Use privacy settings, but assume nothing online is completely private.
- Documenting online interactions safely can be strategic if relevant to court proceedings.
Child Involvement
▶ ▼ Why is it important not to involve children in adult custody issues?
Children exposed to adult conflicts can experience emotional stress, anxiety, or loyalty conflicts.
- Protecting children’s emotional well-being demonstrates responsible parenting to the court.
- Courts value stability, security, and minimal stress for the child.
▶ ▼ What does a judge ask a child in a custody case?
Judges may ask general questions about the child’s routine, living situation, and feelings, aiming to avoid adding stress.
- Children are often interviewed privately or with a court-appointed professional.
- The child’s safety and emotional health are always prioritized.
Handling Threats and Unilateral Decisions
▶ ▼ What steps can I take if the other parent threatens me during a custody case?
Document threats (texts, voicemails, social media) and inform your attorney. Severe threats may require a protective order.
- Do not retaliate—let the legal system manage harassment.
- Maintaining records supports court interventions if needed.
▶ ▼ How do unilateral decisions impact my custody case in Texas?
Making major decisions without the other parent signals poor co-parenting ability, which courts frown upon.
- Judges may perceive unilateral actions as contrary to the child’s best interests.
- Discuss significant decisions with the other parent or consider mediation for disagreements.
Child Support Considerations
▶ ▼ What if back child support is owed?
Owing back child support can trigger repayment plans, wage garnishment, or penalties. Prompt payment is critical to avoid contempt.
- Courts prioritize child support over other financial obligations.
- Keeping records of payments helps prevent disputes.
- Past-due support does not remove visitation rights but may affect court perceptions of responsibility.
What Judges Look For
▶ ▼ What do judges look for in child custody cases?
Judges seek a stable, nurturing environment focused on the child’s best interests. They evaluate co-parenting ability, adherence to orders, and support of parent-child relationships.
- Financial stability, safety, and consistent routines are critical.
- Respecting the other parent’s rights strengthens your case.
Tips and Guidance
▶ ▼ What are some tips to increase chances of a successful custody case outcome?
- Show active involvement in parenting and maintain detailed records.
- Stay cooperative with the other parent whenever possible.
- Hire an experienced family law attorney to guide your case strategically.
▶ ▼ What to say to someone going through a custody battle?
- Offer empathetic support and encourage professional help from a lawyer or therapist.
- Remind them to focus on the child’s best interests and stay organized.
- Encourage calm communication with the other parent to maintain credibility in court.
Parental Alienation
▶ ▼ How do I avoid parental alienation accusations during a custody dispute?
- Support the child’s relationship with the other parent and avoid negative comments.
- Document efforts to maintain contact and follow visitation schedules.
- Resolve disputes through legal channels, not by restricting access or verbal attacks.
▶ ▼ What can I do about parental alienation?
- Keep written records of alienation incidents and consult an attorney.
- Communicate calmly and positively with your child.
- Seek court intervention or counseling if alienation persists.
Child Custody Attorneys in Dallas
▶ ▼ What do child custody attorneys in Dallas provide for families?
They offer knowledgeable legal guidance, help families navigate custody cases, and focus on the child’s best interests throughout the process.
▶ ▼ What is the approach taken by Warren & Migliaccio for child custody cases?
Warren & Migliaccio tailor strategies for each family, providing personalized solutions that address specific needs and promote the child’s well-being.
▶ ▼ What types of cases do Dallas child custody attorneys handle?
Common cases include:
- Parenting plans
- Custody for same-sex partners
- Visitation rights
- Modifications and enforcement
- Child support and paternity disputes
- Parental relocation issues
- Grandparents’ rights
Each case requires focused strategy to reach the best outcome for the child.
Summary
In conclusion, going through a child custody battle in Texas requires thoughtful words and actions. Avoid criticizing the other parent, stay composed, and follow legal advice to improve your chances of a positive result.
Always keep your child’s well-being as your main focus. Show respect for the legal process to prove you’re a caring and responsible parent. A well-written custody agreement that addresses both physical custody and legal custody can lead to lasting cooperation. Remember, family law cases often connect to other matters—like spousal support or estate planning—so consult qualified professionals when finalizing any aspect of your custody or visitation schedules.
Mistakes during the divorce process can impact your case, making early legal guidance invaluable. Speaking with a knowledgeable family law attorney can help you understand custody arrangements, visitation schedules, and your parental rights. At Warren & Migliaccio, our experienced Texas child custody lawyers are here to provide the legal support you need. We can discuss your situation, answer your custody-related questions, and guide you through the process. Call us at (888) 584-9614 or contact us online to get started.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. It does not replace legal counsel or the advice of a qualified family law attorney. Every situation is unique, and child custody laws in Texas may affect your case differently.
Interactive Guide: What Not To Say During a Custody Battle
1. “Let me tell you what’s wrong with your [other parent]…”
(Criticizing the other parent can be seen as a form of emotional child abuse, which can negatively impact custody cases.)
Avoid Criticizing the Other Parent
One of the biggest mistakes you can make during a child custody battle is criticizing the other parent. Courts expect parents to show they can co-parent, and constant negativity can reflect poorly on you in the eyes of the court.
Why it hurts your case: Judges see negative remarks as harmful to your child’s well-being and view them as an attempt to damage the other parent’s relationship with the child.
How to avoid it: Keep your focus on the child’s needs. Don’t use negative language when describing your ex, and show that you respect the legal process.
Staying respectful also improves your image during custody evaluations. Judges are less likely to support a parent who appears disrespectful.
2. “[Profanity] this court process!”
(Losing composure can harm your image in court by showing a lack of self-control.)
Keep Calm and Collected
It’s crucial to remain calm during child custody battles. Anger or frustration in court can hurt your position and weaken your credibility.
- Watch your language: Yelling or swearing can make you look aggressive.
- Stay prepared: Present a strong parenting plan and focus on solid evidence, not emotions.
- Avoid confrontation: Don’t argue with the other parent in or out of the courtroom.
Showing self-control helps you look like a responsible parent who cares about the child’s well-being.
3. “I don’t have a drinking/drug problem.”
(Lying under oath can lead to severe legal consequences, including losing custody rights.)
Don’t Lie Under Oath
Honesty is essential in a child custody dispute. Making false statements can bring serious penalties. If you have issues like substance abuse, admit them rather than deny them under oath.
- Court priorities: The court cares more about how substance abuse affects your parenting than the fact of abuse itself.
- Credibility matters: If you lie, the judge may doubt everything else you say. You could also have to pay the other parent’s legal fees.
Being honest and transparent during a child custody dispute safeguards your integrity and keeps you in good standing with the court.
4. “You shouldn’t want to see your [other parent].”
(Alienation of affection can severely damage your child’s emotional health and your custody case.)
No Alienation of Affection
Parental alienation can seriously harm a child’s well-being. It also tells the court you may be unwilling to co-parent.
- Why it’s harmful: Alienation can make a child develop negative feelings toward the other parent.
- Court view: Judges do not look favorably on a parent who attempts to weaken the bond between a child and the other parent.
- Positive approach: Support your child’s ongoing relationship with both parents. This cooperative attitude proves to the court that you put your child’s best interests first.
5. “Going to court today. Pray the judge sees through my ex’s lies!”
(Discussing court publicly or on social media can backfire and become evidence against you.)
Avoid Discussing Court Decisions Publicly
Talking about your custody battle in public or on social media can hurt your case.
- Potential evidence: Anything you post might be used against you in court.
- Court perception: Judges may see public complaints as disrespectful to the court.
- Stay private: Resist venting online. Keep custody-related details off social media to protect your case.
6. “Let me tell you why mommy/daddy is making us go to court…”
(Involving children in adult issues can cause them emotional distress.)
Don’t Involve Your Child in Adult Issues
Children shouldn’t be part of adult custody conversations. This can place a heavy emotional burden on them.
- Avoid explaining court proceedings: Telling children why you’re in court can confuse or upset them.
- Stability and routine: Stick to normal routines and spend quality time together instead of dragging them into disputes.
- Child’s perspective: Children need to feel safe and loved by both parents.
7. “If you don’t let me see the kids, I’ll…”
(Making threats toward the other parent suggests potential abuse and can undermine your case.)
Refrain from Making Threats
Threatening the other parent is a major warning sign for judges during a child custody dispute. It may suggest abusive behavior.
- Anger management concerns: Swearing or using hostile language raises doubts about your ability to remain calm.
- Domestic violence link: Threatening behavior can lead to or worsen domestic violence claims.
- Stay respectful: Avoid derogatory language or threatening messages—judges weigh this heavily when deciding custody.
8. “You’re a terrible parent and everyone knows it.”
(Using profanity and insults toward your ex-spouse or ex-partner can severely harm your case.)
Avoid Profanity and Insults
Hostile messages or comments can damage your custody claim. Judges want to see that you can stay civil and cooperative.
- Written or verbal: Offensive emails, texts, or voicemails can be used against you in court.
- Focus on solutions: Aim for calm, constructive communication to show you can co-parent respectfully.
9. “I’ve decided to switch our child’s school without consulting you.”
(Making unilateral decisions can show a disregard for co-parenting and harm your credibility.)
Do Not Make Unilateral Decisions
Always talk with the other parent before making big decisions for your child.
- Loss of trust: Acting alone can make you look uncooperative.
- Court’s preference: Judges favor parents who communicate and cooperate.
- Examples of major decisions: Changing schools, extracurricular activities, or significant financial moves require both parents’ input.
10. “I know better than my lawyer about how to handle this.”
(Ignoring legal advice can lead to major missteps that hurt your custody case.)
Don’t Ignore Legal Advice
Your attorney is there to guide you through the complexities of a child custody case.
- Active participation: Stay involved in the proceedings. If you ignore them, the other parent might get a default judgment.
- Obey court orders: Not following court orders can bring contempt charges or a loss of custody rights.
- Better outcome: Respect for the legal process improves your standing in custody evaluations.
